Sunday, April 28, 2002

SMASH SMASH... BASH BASH... SMASH BASH!!!!            Of course I'm talking about Diablo 2.       The failure of the Elemental druid has led me and kevin to make 2 paladins, and they're alot of fun - we're tha smash bros.!!!       Other than that I learned from a girl that girls purposely try to be misleading and confusing when guys are around because they think it'll make us guys understand them more.     Case in point, right there, so I feel good about taking Psychology of women next semester.

The real reason I did it? See for yourself ( First and foremost I'm a 69, then I'm a Cartwheel, n00t thinks it's fitting.       What do you all think, take it then come to the forum. ( Shameless self promotion =D )     Another lil something something I'd like to promote is my "I aint gettin paid so I need $$ for college fund" and my "Xander needs an import car" fund.       You're thinking that I would be happy with any newer car than I have now, but I'd like to point out that...
                    Import Cars = Import Women                  
                    Import Women = Happy Xander                  
                    Happy Xander = Free Ice Cream                  
                    Boot to Da Head Flavor                    
                    Gain the wisdom of generations of Koreans in just 6 minutes !!!! ^ ^;;                  

It's been a good day to you all I bid the same =)           Night folks

Friday, April 26, 2002

All this love is still in the air, and so is the pollen. I dont think I'm allergic to it, but I have developed a sinus cold, someone suggested they I try those nasal sprays but I hate those. I dont see how spraying liquid up your nose stops it from running but if it works for you kudos! The last time I tried it I sneezed all the medicine out and it stung for a while and made the runny nose worse =(. Instead I bought a whole bottle of advil sinus medicine... 2 pills at a time       bleargh. Generally I walk around with a smile on, it's the best thing to wear and all that, but it was harder today, the snot on my moustache area dried that skin out and it hurts haha.       The bad part is that I was thinking how ironic it is for me to try to smile when it hurts and it made me chuckle and smile more.

But for some reason I've noticed, people at purdue don't smile. Well they smile at parties and when they're drinking, they smile when you say "how you doin", of course everyone smiles when they try to say panties. You guys know what I'm talking about though right, everyone on campus sees each other but everyone allways looks like they're on a mission authorized by the man or something. I think I'm going to start asking people "to say panties without giggling" just so they'll smile... If that doesn't work then I'll start testing people on thier asian knowledge... "What's the capital of Thailand.." =) Devious, ya maybe... lots of fun though. On that topic, have I shown you the "keys trick"
Good night all... Good night.

Sunday, April 21, 2002

OH COME ON!!! The banner up there makes my thing say Interrupted Happi unless I change the screen to full size. If I knew enough html then I would go ahead and move it around but I dont so until I start my website there it stays, unless of course some explains how to fix it. I started this "diary" with mixed feelings, still I feel strange that I'm going to post this and all kinds of people are going to read it - but thanks to those who did read it and gave me input. Also, I dont mind if you have a link on your website/blogger to this - I will do the same if you'd like. This summer I hope this blogger will turn into a website, and in order to get things a little bit moving I have created a message board where you can post thoughts, feedback, ramble on, or tell us all about your adventures. It's open to everyone, I further implore this audience to post there. It only requires that you make a account (which consists of filing out a page of information - name, age, country... the standard stuff). I hope that the board will accumulate regulars and that friends will waste a few minutes every now and again posting there *glares south towards louisville, raised head to texas, and checks westward*. Think of it as an online Denny's =) Further when the time of reckoning comes and I start working on a website I'll feel that much better about it.

I do already feel better now though, in relation to my last diary entry. I talked to some people, including myself, and resolved... that I should just keep more pictures =D. Of course, I'm sure that needs an explanation - well lets indulge on the girlfriend's role in a young buck's life (Personally I think this can be role reversed). Granted some people are cursed, errr... blessed, with having fallen completely in love and have gotten into serious relationships as a result of it...The popular topic of having a girlfriend because the lion is hungry for a relationship, for the sake of a relationship not because he has fallen in love, is begun by wondering about during the spring season and seeing so cute rabbits frolicing in the grass. It is further catalyzed by seeing the rest of the lions hunting rabbits and even worse when you head out with your lion and the bunny rabbit follows along. While your out hunting for a vise of your own simple pleasures (sex) you gather a few lions help you take down some of the rabbits only to find your fellow lions so enraptured with the meal that they've already caught you soon find yourself flying solo. Sure you can more than likely take down one bunny with your own fangs but hell, most of the fun is the is this important? Well for those of us that compete in any game, not just tha game, you know that so much of the fun is derived from playing with people you know and having an audience. Sure you can get a girl but if no one sees, and no one is there to enjoy the setup and execution then all you've really accomplished is foreplay for masturbation with two people. Certainly some people go to parties with the thought of getting laid dancing in thier heads (men and women alike) but there's a flavor to that game. However note that when two people sincerely start to like each other the game is vastly different - crowds don't matter... and you don't talk about your adventures with this girl to get a "datz muh boi" from your friends; you talk about her because there is something in you that cant stop thinking about it and having her name in your mouth puts you on cloud nine. Maybe I've gone further than other lions will say or even feel - but this is what I see and further experience. Even so if a lion wants to play a game he will play a game, and might even play the game to get a serious girlfriend without realizing that the rabbit he's playing the game with isn't a bunny rabbit, but a hare. The hare can play the role of a rabbit for a short while but when we sit down for the feast we discover that it isn't as tender, it isn't well prepared, and it goes bad alot faster.

On another tangant I realized that while it's good to look forward while you are walking through life somtimes it gets dark and you forget things... like flashlights. Generally girls are more prepared than guys so when you get a girlfriend, even if it is only for the sake of having a girlfriend, you get to use thier flashlight which can help you see, if only for a bit. But there's a limit on how effective this is, imagine on a rainy day when you forgot your umbrella and you hold your girlfriend's abover her head for her and you try to squeeze in there as well (which is impossible because it can only be 6 inches wide because it has to fit in her itty bitty backpack which barely holds her makeup), well what happens. You get all wet and it sucks (well I like rain so lets pretend we're back in LA and it's acid rain) - now it really sucks. So while you look forward I encourage you to 1.) bring a flashlight to see on dark nights, 2.) think back every now and again to remember if you have your umbrella and in general reminesce in the past, 3.) if you see a cute girl you may like, hide your flashlight so you have an excuse to talk to her =) At any rate that is how I arrived at the decision to keep more pictures, to make an umbrella out of it so I dont have to close my eyes and fight through the rain.

On the forefront lies some hot days with the possibility of hotter nights... try to chill out with a nice cold beer. Sunshowers are great, cold showers aren't, camping is good but dont be so caught up in smelling roses and marveling at nature that you pitch tent while nature is looking at you... it's rather embarrasing when you cant get the main pole down in time in order to go on to the next campsite.. it disturbs...the rabbits. They'll think you don't know how to camp for the night =P

Good night all, all good night - I hope you have good dreams abound of lions and rabbits. I know I will, I saw the Scorpion King... The sorceress did much to ensure that I would sleep well, with half a grin on my face ;)

Thursday, April 18, 2002

Interesting, this is the first time I have ever done an online diary of sorts. Perhaps I shouldn't think of it as such but I no doubt will. I already feel as if I have posted enough, but under the order of my Little Kings (beer) and egging on of acquaintances I will write more. I thought of what to call my 'blogspot' - it came to me in a matter of seconds, the tittle is very fitting. You may know, that I generally tend to be in a good mood which is how I like to be - but for the past 3 days it has been interrupted, not a depression but enough has gone on for me to question my natural state. "So what" I hear the echo in people's throats before their stomachs push the air out - as if I have problems. Granted I laugh plenty and enjoy the company of many acquaintances during these "questionable times" but that does not mean that I do not hide what I feel and think. In fact I do so alot, almost too well for my own good. What has brought these questionable times upon is beyond the trust of which I give any person with clarity of mind save a couple - other than the ones that I can count on half of my hand the rest are done out of desperation perhaps. What is to be desperate, I do not know that is why I ask "Is this interrupted happiness, or the continued depression that every person is doomed to feel throughout thier lives?" It was explained to me that the natural state of mind is desperation, sadness, and boredom. I don't know how wholly I subscribe to that thought but I can see how it is derived. My perticular problem is that the conclusion I draw contradicts the examples that I notice, but those examples aren't very cohesive with the truths that I now face. .......*sigh*...... I hate this, I sound like a sophist because I don't want to tell the world what it is that I am thinking, however I wish everyone would know. Even if not everyone then I want my brothers to know, but without me telling them... but such is a fairy tale. God damn fairy tales fucking up my life. (15 minutes later I read and regret my vulgarity but I leave it in for raw emotion)

I think I noticed something lately which has been obnoxiously obvious to me this entire time, as well as all of you. Some people say that the media is to blame for people's apathy towards general life, some note that the more people go through the more extreme something must be in order for them to feel it, some people are retards and can only regurgitate what their teachers and proffessors have told them. What ever the reasons of apathy to our community, it is vastly overshadowed by our own overly dramatic concern for ourselves. I think maybe that it is this that allows us to justify our own vanity, sympathy, feigned interest for other people. Not because we really care - but because we think of ourselves and wish the same for us. Such is not genuine concern - it's almost sickening - but nothing is new about being disgusted by the people around me; I am sure I have raised eyebrows as well as stomachs. Even on the verge of 21 I don't feel that much more mature than the adolescent described by frustrated parents. I do however profess that I am more intelligent and experienced - which I don't think equals maturity, however I cannot be the judge of myself because my own thoughts are completely irrelevant in how I must look at myself. You decide who I am, not me - even granite and ore is formed by the subtle flow of water. Granite and ore will allways feel the same, hard and rough - but they are still shaped by thier environment. Am I granite or ore... no - sorry to even the 'closest acquaintances' that I have met, even friends - but I feel very much like talcum right now.

Even to the most caring of hands, talcum still falls apart to dust and drifts on the winds until nature is done with it. I do not ask you to be careful... the farther you drift, the more you experience, the greater you become. Inviting desctruction... of course. Smash my lincoln log cabin so that I may build a lego castle. And those carpenters that help, let me shelter you from rain so that you may build palaces, then friends we will become as Camelot was, ne'er such a glorious time as when we ruled our own world.

You have no idea how rediculous I feel about leaving that last paragraph there - I hope you contortionists of reality that I call friends enjoy reading this. You who directly or indirectly made me do this becasue I continually gave lame excuses about my own discontentment, either hiding it or lying about it. Damn you guys... I love you. Especially those who I dare say are closer to me than blood. Why I am sad? It has been cast outside my field of vision for now, when it comes back in - I hope I have you there to xbow the problems above my head that I may not see. Gauss the uncertainties that lie behind closed doors. Rockets and satchels to blow open the clogged paths that lead to what I seek. 9mmAR's and tripmines to protect me from behind and snarks to consume the petty concerns that can trip me while I run to my demons. And the trust and patience for me that when I fight my demons to congradulate me on victory when I emerge with a smoking shotgun and demon blood on my crowbar.